I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I want is dick and wine.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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