From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize