Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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