she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
