I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
