You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
