maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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