i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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