he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
