I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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