I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
