We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
