Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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