She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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