It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
