Heybabeimwearingurpanties
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
