she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
