Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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