Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
