woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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