So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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