god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
