Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
