Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Randomize
