So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize