i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
