I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
