Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
