I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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