my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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