Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
my liver is dry heaving
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