i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
