explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
