I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
