They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
