Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
