thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We talked him into tasing himself.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize