so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
