Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
