If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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