I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
