he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
