it wasn't lemon gatorade
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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