I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
