what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
