Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
