Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
