the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
