I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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