Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it's like iHOP with fire
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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