she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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