living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
