Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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