Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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