you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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