i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
