There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
