I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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