Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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