I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
