I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
