somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
where does the pee come out of this thing
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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