i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
