I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
