She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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