Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
