God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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