Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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