she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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