i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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