last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
