Sry I called you an 8
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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