Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
