At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
