I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
