So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
