Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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