Having a random hookup so left but love u
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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