I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
