im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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