3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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