Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
