Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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