Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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