even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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