On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
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