He disabled his match.com account in front of me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
