i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
