He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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