I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize