Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
