I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
