oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Non-Jews are for practice
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
