if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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