my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Randomize
